The Europa, AKA the  GT-I 5500 is an alleged smartphone, running Android 2.2. It cost me 50 quid, plus 15 quid pre-loaded  on a SIM card. Not too bad, unless you want to keep your old number, in which case you end up with a spare SIM with 15 quid on it, which expires within one month.

One of the reasons, besides the obvious need of a phone replacement,  that I bought the thing was my desire to replace my current “smartphone” combination of an old 3rd generation iPod and MiFi dongle thing. Carrying the pair of them around was a pain, considering the battery life of each, so I was looking for something about the same size that wouldn’t entail a pocket full of cables and mains adapters.

As you can see, the Europa is smaller than the iPod, with a considerably smaller screen, so consequently the on-screen keyboard is far too small and fiddly for a normal sized human to use, let alone a giant ham-fisted oaf like me.

The Europa has a 2 mega-pixel camera, which is crap. Any more information about it would be superfluous.

The processor is woefully underpowered, and apps keep crashing. A particular problem is the WiFi system failing to work and the settings page just reporting “Error!”. Useful.

If by some arcane magic the Wifi system does work and the Europa is used as a mobile hotspot, the data rate is deplorable:

Note that I was is Stafford at the time, which is considerably more than 50 miles from Morecambe. Hence I could not see the Chinese Synchonized Swimming Team practicing.

Also, using the phone as a hotspot causes you to fall foul of Three’s piss-awful censorship. Most URL shorteners seem to be blocked.

So it looks like I’ll be keeping the MiFi for a while yet. And, considering how ropey the phone is, (despite my hatred of Apple) the iPod too.

You know the game, I’m sure. Someone writes the name of some famous celebrity/character/serial killer on a Rizla and sticks it to your forehead. You then have to work out who “you” are by asking questions that have yes/no answers. Sort of like Akinator, but for people who have friends.

Pete’s version has the name come up on the iPhone screen, along with a timer. As iPhones and iPods generally don’t come pre-gummed, unlike Rizlas, you’ll need to affix it to your face somehow. Blu-Tack works fine for at least the minute and a half that you need, unless you have super slimy skin in which case you’ll probably need Gaffer Tape.

Either way, you’ll look a bit of a knob…

So, if you want to look like a dickhead, here is the link to the App: http://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/hoozat/id492001248?mt=8

For those not in the know, the Raspberry Pi will be an ARM11 700Mhz based computer running Debian Linux and capable of operating from 4 AA batteries. The “Model B” will have 2 USB ports and on-board ethernet.

There will be plenty of space inside the Dalek to accommodate one of these, along with the extra battery packs required.

So, assuming that they start shipping these things soon, the Master Plan (oh just guess where the title of this post is derived from) is:

• Strip down the existing code for the Arduino version so that it just accepts commands to drive the motors and read the sensor data (pretty much like version 0.1 did).
• Work up a protocol for the Raspberry and Arduino to communicate with. Then implement it.
• Fit the Dalek with all the connectors for the Raspberry (RCA, HDMI, Ethernet, USB via an unpowered hub, Audio jack and micro-USB power)
• Recode the current “free-roaming” software to run on the Raspberry.
• Source a suitable USB WiFi dongle and camera to install.
• Jig up a web based “Control Panel” for the beastie.

The above list includes “USB via an unpowered hub”, as I currently envision needing more than 2 USB ports:

• USB connection to the Arduino (direct)
• USB WiFi dongle (via hub)
• USB Keyboard  (via hub on case exterior)
• USB Mouse (via hub on case exterior)
• USB Memory stick/Disk interface (via hub on case exterior)

Now why, you may be thinking, would I be needing the keyboard, mouse and storage (and video outputs)?

Well, the objectives are now two-fold. Primarily I still want to build the original free-roaming robot idea, but I also want it to double as a cool set-top box to connect to our stupidly large television which has been gathering dust since the Digital Switchover (our TV aerial is really shite and Freeview is UNWATCHABLE).

I could do that using a second Raspberry as a dedicated set-top box, but that would not be as cool.

Imagine: The Dalek is connected to the TV, playing a copy of an old Doctor Who episode featuring Daleks. The on-board camera is pointing at the TV, relaying the images to a web server. So a Dalek is watching a Dalek on a Dalek (not in that way). Open up another window and the Dalek is also watching itself. Thats the kind of thing that Christopher H. Bidmead could only dream about.

I’ll be buying a second one anyway, to it inside one of these keyboards.

But as I said, it is all on hold until the Raspberry Pi ships (and I remember how to program in C again).

Then maybe I can actually make use of the contrived acronyms DAVROS (Dalek Automatic Roving Vehicle Operating System), and SKARO (Stupid Kludged Arduino Remote Operation).

Q: Player housing? Please?
A: We’d love to, we talk about it all the time. But they are massive and will take forever. So if you still want classes and dungeons and more, it’s just a dream.

But how difficult would it be to achieve?

Well, not that hard,  really. If you ignore the possibility of huge tracts of player housing and adopt the Puzzle Pirates method of  “one exterior, multiple interior”, it would work.

eg. Here is my character on Puzzle Pirates trying to get in to my Cottage. Nobody else was home.

Basically, in my method, an unused building could be changed to have a “door action” which allowed the player to either enter their own home, or knock of the door of anyone who had a home there and was currently “in”.

An example building would be this desirable canalside property in Stormwind.

On the map, its here (where the silver arrow points to):

The interior would need to be designed, of course, but using the layout of The Gilded Rose Inn would be an easy shortcut if all the furniture was removed.

Of course, we’d want armour stands, wardrobes, trinket cases, portrait galleries, custom wallpaper, carpets, ornaments, and (to be honest) the ability to re-skin the whole place. Still, it should be possible.

It does look, however, as if the night elf is about to shoot the worgen in the back of the head.

Sex and drugs and rock and roll, Is all my brain and body need

And from this we can assume:

Need = Sex + Drugs + Rock + Roll

But, as the band Argent (not Kiss, no matter what their fan’s think) informed us:

God Gave Rock And Roll To You

As there is no God (my opinion, possibly not yours), the alleged deity could not possibly provide neither Rock, nor Roll. Therefore they cannot exist in this context. Hence:

Need = Sex + Drugs +0 + 0

Thus

Need = Sex + Drugs

Which seems a pretty solid mathematical proof for shagging and taking drugs.

As Mick Shrimpton, the former fictional drummer of Spinal Tap once said:

As long as there’s, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll.

So, what are the physics behind this claim?

It must be something to do with the energy imparted to the child by the collision.

Kinetic energy, as we know (or can at least look up) is defined as:

Where Ek is the energy in Joules, m is the mass of the object in kilograms, and v is the velocity in metres per second.

For reasons that will be clear later, in this case I’ll pick a Ford Transit, so m=1800 (Average Kerb Weight over the various models is about 1800kg)

For the velocity, at 30 mph v=13.4112 m/s (so that’s v=14m/s in simple maths), while at 40 mph v=17.8816 m/s (v=18m/s simple).

Applying sums and stuff to these figures, we get the Kinetic Energy of the collision (assuming that the child was completely stationary in the road) to be:

• At 30mph: 176,400 Joules
• At 40mph: 291,600 Joules
  

Now we need to look at the average mass of  a child. Using and approved method of randomization (5+D8), we’ll look at a 9 year old from the UK (but not in that way).  One site (http://www.medindia.net/patients/calculators/Height_Weight_ForChildren.asp) came up with the idea of 39kg, which we’ll call 50kg for idiot maths sake.

So, following such a collision (using idiot pure maths, it being a perfectly elastic collision, and using a flat fronted vehicle – the Transit was the only one I had the figures on), the “exit speed” of the child would be:

• At 30mph: 84 m/s or 188mph
• At 40mph: 108 m/s or 241mph

Both are horrific speeds, but could never occur in the real world at the original incident speeds. No collision in the real world is perfectly elastic, and neither a Transit bonnet, nor children are made of perfectly elastic materials. Of course this won’t stop the Daily Mail from citing this as a scientific study at some point.

I’ve sort of lost track of where I was when I started on this, but is there any evidence for the 80/20 split? No, of course not.

Sure, hitting a kid a slower speeds will cause less injury to them.  Driving slower is one way of ensuring this, but there is another:

“If the child was on the pavement and not pissing about in the road, it wouldn’t be an issue!”

Now, how long before YouTube delete it?

Clearly I’m not the only bat-shit insane member of the family.

Should you wish to donate, go this this page: http://www.justgiving.com/Kim-Killeen

Edit: This will happen on September 25th.