Tony Blews

Rumour has it that born-again biker Eddy Fox borrows an aging Ford Scorpio to do
his shopping. He sets off for the nearest big town, and purchases an aquarium
and some battery powered christmas lights.

On the way back he is spotted by the police having a smoke while driving,
resulting in a medium speed chase which ends with the Scorpio being crashed and
the aquarium (which is now full of flashing fairy lights) suffering damage.

Fox staggers into the Woolpack, chased by heavily armed riot police (in full helmet and stab vest regalia).

Shots are fired, and most of the Woolpack customers fall to the ground. The
camera zooms in on Eddy’s face. A shot is heard. Fade to black.

If I had a television, I’d probably moan about all the rubbish that is on these days. But I don’t, so I won’t.

Instead, I’ve decided to invent some TV shows that I, personally, would like to watch. If I had a television. Which I don’t.

Let’s get the ball rolling with this imaginary epic…

Mott and Bailey

Produced by the team behind “Coast”, “Castles of Britain” would be a 12 part series of half hour episodes following a re-formed Mott the Hoople and Bill Bailey as they explore, strangely, the castles of Britain.

Over the course of the series, they could give an insight into the history of each castle, before performing an outdoor concert and entertaining the locals with a mixture of early seventies glam-rock and contempory comedy.