Tony Blews

I’ve always wanted a “Flying V” guitar, so when Postman Pat called today I was overjoyed. For about 10 minutes. What he brought was this: a WowWee PaperJamz Guitar, bought from Amazon for £25.99.

The PaperJamz Guitar is essentially a paper thin toy guitar, or at least thats what the marketing bumph says. In reality it is only paper thin if the paper in question is The Mail On Sunday (including all supplements).

The reason for this is simple. Whilst the actual capacitive sensors and sound transducer are paper thin, batteries are not. Plus, it it were paper this, it would flop about like a rabbit’s ears. So its actually about an inch thick at its fattest point.

This particular “guitar” is number 4 in a series of 6. Each one has a different look and is programmed with three songs to strum along to. On this model they are:

1. You Really Got Me (The Kinks)
2. Blitzkrieg Bop (The Ramones)
3. Godzilla (Blue Oyster Cult) – I had never heard of this one!

For each song, you can either play in “Perfect Play Mode”, where you just bash away at the strumming area to hear the song play, and “Rhythm Mode”, where you have to get the strumming at least vaguely correct. Neither of these are really that interesting.

What is interesting about the thing is the “Freestyle Mode”, which allows you to play your own songs by using the fretboard as a, well, fretboard. While you can’t actually make real chords on it, you can play pre-recorded chord samples by touching parts of the fretboard to select the base chord and modifiers, and strumming the strum area. They even include a handy chord chart to help you:

To sum this up briefly, to get the major chord, starting at E (don’t touch the fretboard), the frets count up FGABCDEFGA. To get a sharpened major, select the appropriate chord and also touch the next fret towards the body of the guitar. To get minor chords, select the base chord and also the fret two places towards the body. Sort of. Note that the frets don’t count up in the usual F F# G G# A etc. manner, and that they are all the same distance apart (a minor niggle – and a pisspoor joke on my part there, if you spotted it).

But, can you actually use this thing to bash out a real tune? Well lets have a look (and play Name That Tune at the same time)…

So there you have it. Its a sort of guitar, but not a really good one. If your could form real chords on it, then it would be a winner. Currently its just an amusing toy. I’m sure a future version will allow proper playing, and when it does I’ll buy one. Cos i’m sad like that.

Another month brings another Gadget purchase. This time its the Huawei E5830 Mifi thingummy, a combined 3g mobile broadband modem and portable wifi hotspot. Once again it is on the 3 network.

A rough indication of size

The reasons for buy it are twofold. Firstly the internal GPRS modem in my Ubisurfer has gone down, rendering it useless without another means of connectivity (at least until Datawind’s tech support sort me out a replacement or fix); and secondly, my trust Huawei E220 USB broadband modem is being pressed into service as a permanet net connection for my Linux box running a game server (until Virgin can final get around to installing proper broadband for me).

That’s enough of me justifying the purchase, let’s have a look at the thing.

There it is, all lit up like Blackpool

Ooh, shiny. So, pop in the sim card and battery, plug it in to the charger and wait for twelve hours. Thumb the power button for two seconds and on come the five lights.

Ah, you’re thinking, there are four lights! Well, the fifth light (in the middle, not shown) only comes on when you first power up the device or if you feel an irresistable pull to a a foreign land (roaming).

If you’re really insteresting in what the four status lights mean, I’m sure you can find out elsewhere.

Thumb the wifi button for two seconds, then the Saturn button (only my name for it, as it has a little picture of a ringed planet on it) for two seconds and if all is well you’ll be able to connect to the internet through the thing.

Assuming all it well, that is. Sometimes it isn’t. Even though i’m a bit of a 3 fanboy (nine phones and two modems over the years), I still have issues with them. Firstly 3 is a crap name for a company, Whampoa would have sounded cooler; and secondly the coverage where I currently live is ropey at times.

Coverage map of ST17 XXX

The darker shade represents indoor/outdoor coverage, whilst the lighter shade shows outdoor coverage only. The pointer shows where I live. Not shown is a 3g modem gaffa taped to my window in order to get a good signal.

Besides the device itself, the box contains a short USB lead and a charger. The charger is, obviously, for charging the thing, and the USB cable is for three things.

1. using it as a storage device if a microSD card (not supplied) is inserted into it
2. using it as a USB modem
3. using the configuration program.

The configuation program (which installs straight from the device itself – nice) allows you to do all the usual wifi router based things: DHCP config, port forwarding, changing the SSID to something rude, changing the password to something you’ll actually remember.

Connecting to the thing is easy with any most wifi devices. So far I’ve managed to get two laptops (WinXP and Linux), the Ubisurfer and a borrowed iPod Touch running concurrently. I know the iPhone works ok (slightly faster that the phone’s built in 3g modem), and I’m sure the iPad will work. (Does anyone want to lend me one to test?)

Sadly, I could not get a laptop running Hexxeh’s Flow build of Chromium OS. But I put this down to Flow failing to recognised the Dell’s WiFi hardware.

Its a great little device. Go and buy one now. £49 from Three on their PAYG plan.

So, all that remains for me to do now are the customary speed test, using www.speedtest.net, as ever.

Firstly using the old E220 USB Modem:

E220 USB Results

And now using the E5830 Mifi:

E3850 Mifi Results

I clearly have a winner here, but your mileage may vary.

Finally, here are the frankly deplorable results taken recently from my sister’s Orange Home Broadband link recently:

Orange are shite

Once again, I’ve bought a Ukulele. This one came from Amazon and cost me £13.95. Here it is sitting on the horrible sofa, next to one of my older ones. The new one is the purple one on the left.

And quite a lovely little thing it is too. Theres nary a blemish on it’s finish, and it has been holding it’s tuning. This is mainly due to having proper guitar heads with worm-screws, not just the usual tat you seem to find on ukuleles.

I recommend you go and buy one. Now!

Now this post is entitled “Adventures in Ukulele Tuning”, not “Buy this Ukulele and earn me a few pennies”, so what is this tuning business about?

Well, usually a ukulele is tuned GCEA (C tuning) or ADF#B (D tuning), and I already have one for each. This new little purple bugger was bought solely for the purpose of stringing it DGBE (G tuning), in a manner similar to the high four strings of a guitar (you know, the 4 closest to the ground, yet highest in pitch).

It would seem from the outset that new strings are in order, however this is my botch-job workaround:

Take the middle two strings of the current (GCEA) tuning, and re-use them as the top two strings of the new tuning (DGBE).  i.e. the C and E strings are now doing service as the B and E strings. The B is sounding a little dull, but it’ll do for now.

Get the old broken nylon-strung acoustic out of the wardrobe. The old G string from that will be pressed into service as the new G string. Sure it sounds a little dull, but it’ll do for now (again).

Finally, take the B string from the old acoustic and use that as the D string.

This will all do as a stop-gap measure until I can be bothered to get off my arse and down to the music shop to buy the proper strings. More to follow, at a later date…

Postman Pat called this week, delivering somewhat of a surprise. Amid the usual bumf from marketing robots, and a letter addressed to Mr. Austin Allego (more in a future post), he brought 2 DVDs from Paul Balmer of Waterway Routes. Here they are photographed on my nice brown duvet, as my desk is far too cluttered for them to fit on to.

The two DVD sets (Birmingham Canal Navigations and Caldon Canal) each contain two DVDs, a map, an explanatory booklet and a catalogue leaflet, as shown in the awful quality photograph here.

So what is on the DVDs? Well, one from each set contains an overview of the canal system in question, with highlights of the journeys. The other DVD contains a speeded up journey of the entire system, filmed from the box of the boat. Each is narrated by Paul himself (I assume).

Both are fascinating, and well worth the price (especially my free ones), and should Paul ever produce editions for the Lancaster Canal or Staffordshire and Worcestershire Canal I’ll happily fork out the money for them.

I’m trying to get to grips with my impulse purchase of the week. For reasons best left unexplored I’ve parted with about 120 quid for a Datawind UbiSurfer from Maplin. Its a ex-display model, hence the slight price reduction over the RRP of £149.99.

So, what is the UbiSurfer? In short, its a cheap netbook running an implementation of Linux. Oh, with a years free internet access thrown in.

More about that later, but first the specs:

• 7 inch 800×400 TFT screen
• 128MB RAM, 1GB Solid State disk
• Full QWERTY keyboard and Touchpad mouse
• Push-Push SD card socket and 2 USB ports (the box says 3, but I have 2 and a connector I’ve never seen before)
• Measures 222x165x29.5mm, weighs 700g
• Battery life provides 4 hours active use and 4 hours

Note the lack of a spec concerning the processor. Apparently it is some form of ARM 500Mhz job.

Applications wise you get the usual word processing and spreadsheet offerings, and a collections of email clients, PDF readers and the like, all GPLed programs.

For web browsing you have Mozilla IceWeasel (Firefox), which only works when connected via a Wifi hotspot, and the UbiSurfer browser itself.
And now we get to the main (only) reason that I bought this thing: free internet access. Included in the price of the device is 30 hours access per month (for a year) to Vodaphone’s GPRS network, via an onboard modem. As we all know, GPRS isn’t exactly lightening fast, but Datawind claim that any web page can be loaded in 7 seconds.

This is supposed to be achieved by Datawind pre-rendering the web pages on their servers (in Canada) and sending them on in a compressed form to the UbiSurfer browser, which then decodes and displays them.
Ok, that sounds fine in theory, but in practice its not so good.
Datawind’s own site (www.datawind.com) takes about fifteen seconds to load, and more complex site such a Google Mail can take up to a minute to fully render.
This pre-rendering process also throws up problems when entering data onto a web page. Tabbing between fields can take up to ten seconds.
Obviously these problems don’t occur when using IceWeasel and connecting via a Wifi hotspot.

But, oddly, my biggest complaint about the UbiSurfer browser is about the hideous splash screen which also comes up when you disconnect, thus preventing you from viewing pages offline. Here it is in all its glory.

Just look at the smug pissweasel. Those grass stains are going to raise questions in the office after lunch. Luckily you can overwrite the this image with something less irritating.

I shall continue to persevere with this thing, in the hope that I can find a use for it.