Tony Blews

I have made no secret of my hatred of the Citroën Picasso. I feel it is not only an ugly car, but a dangerous one too.  Hence my surprise when Citroën started sending me publicity rubbish through the post, and then this email:

Subject: Book A Test Drive Now!

To celebrate with us, hurry to your nearest Citroën dealer and find out how we’re continuing to inspire and delight discerning motorists with our award-winning range and take advantage of 0% APR typical finance* on the Citroën C4 Picasso, Grand C4 Picasso, new C3 Picasso and the C5.  You can now purchase any Citroën with an extra £2000 off using the government scrappage scheme.

As I would rather push a Ford than drive a Citroën, I shall be declining your offer.

roëne

Hey Fatty, do you want to lose up to a stone and a half in a week? All while lying around the house doing nothing? Yes? Well this is the scheme for you!

Just look at the bonuses:

• Take a week off work (paid if you’re lucky)
• Have nothing to do but lie around and watch the Sharpe series so many times you can memorise every bloody episode
• Save money – live on nothing but anti-viral drugs, Beecham’s Powders and Lockets
• Have some really groovy hallucinations

All you need to do is combine Pandemic H1N1 with a common chest infection and all this can be yours.

(Caution, may also cause extensive hair loss!)

Evony, the browser based game which became notorious for its adverts picturing scantily clad women, amongst other things, has gone a step further with its advertising. From stealing images from costume sites, through some really ropey CGI women, using a model who is a gamer, to outright norkage, it seems that they’ll try anything to attract teenage boys and semi-employed 38 year old geeks to their game. The latest advert doesn’t even name the product, yet has all the hallmarks of their campaign.

First though, here are the adverts from times past:

Classy stuff, i’m sure you’ll agree, and cock all to do with the game which is a poor Civilisation clone with no queen to save, and thus no norks.

And so on to the new advert…

Christ, you’d hardly know it it was for Evony if it wasn’t for the “My Lord” catchphrase, and the the familiar looking button.

Still, it seems to work for them. Gullible idiots seem to be playing the game and even paying for it.

So. If it works for them, it might work for me. If you want to volunteer to show a lot of cleavage to advertise a website of mine, don’t hesitate to contact me. Jon, this does NOT apply to you!

A while ago, someone came up the The Debut Album Game, which I waffled about here and here.

I’ve come up with this little thing, after sitting in a but discussing why the Withnail and I soundtracks is one of the best ever made.

What you have to do is:

• Come up with 10 songs to go on the soundtrack to an imaginary film.
• You can’t cheat and include dialogue snippets to pad out the soundtrack (like Tarantino tends to do), but the songs can come from any source.
• You don’t have to describe what the song relates to in your imaginary film, but you can if you want to.
• Post your soundtrack in the comments section.

To get the ball rolling, here is my list:

1. “Spirit in the Sky” – Doctor and the Medics
2. “Dizzy” – The Wonderstuff and Vic Reeves
   
3. “Gimme Shelter” – The Sisters Of Mercy
4. “Que Sera, Sera (We Hope It’s Chips, It’s Chips)” – From the 80s Birds Eye advert
5. “House of the Rising Sun” – Frijid Pink
6. “Faith Healer” – Fish
7. “Driven By You (Ford Advert Version)” – Brian May
8. “Paint It Black” – U2
9. “I Wish I Was in Greenall Whitley Land” – 80s Greenalls advert
10. “No More Monkeys (Jumping on the Bed) – Unknown
    

You may have noticed that the real songs are all cover versions.

I’m sure there must be a damn good reason for me buying this, but I can’t recall it. And for the record I was sober. For a change.

A bit of investigation has revealed that this is an Electone FE-30, from way back in 1984. Thankfully I’ve found the manual, as Yamaha keep all their old manuals on line, so I can learn how to work the thing!