Tony Blews

Is it just me, or does this picture of Hilary Devey, the new face on Dragon’s Den…

 

… look a little bit like this picture of Freddie Mercury?

This is more of a test of my video editing ability with free tools than anything else. I think my chopping of the soundtrack is better than the video, as I got bored towards the end and just bunged in whatever filler material i could find.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love World of Warcraft, but some things about it really annoy the hell out of me…

The Duelist

This turd is the online equivalent to the six and a half foot tall, shaven headed, tattooed nutjob who asks people in the pub for a fight for no reason. In this case, the nutjob is probably 14, has arms like pipe-cleaners (but oddly massive hands), and would probably pass out if ever asked to venture in to a pub.

The Recruiter

All the seem to do is spam people with requests to join their Guild. I’m sorry, mate, but if I’m busy kickin the snot out of something and your Guild Request box pops up and messes me about, I’m never going to help you with anything EVER AGAIN. If, however, you talk to me first and ask nicely, then I may join you group of splitters and quitters (see below).

Death Knights

Okay, so they look cool and are really hard from the outset. But, once you start upgrading the equipment, they start looking like some bastard colourblind harlequin. Imagine the Witch-King of Angmar attacking Meriadoc and Eowyn on the Pelennor. The War of the Ring would have taken a different turn had Merry and the bint from Rohan died laughing as the undead lord strode up to them wearing a lime green breastplate, crimson gauntlets, sky blue leggings, a purple helmet, and a turquoise cloak. Whatever a Death Knight chooses to wear should become black. Blacker than a Spinal Tap album cover. If not blacker.

Stormwind Loiterers

Okay mate, you’re Level 85 and have some stupid winged pet. I understand that you want to show off. But could you and your 27 mates kindly not do it in the Trade District of Stormwind City? Your mum might have spent a couple of grand buying you a PC for your “homework”, but I’m using a PC that was found in a skip. when I drop down to 3 frames per second it makes me want to stab you in the eye socket. With your own shin.

Whitesnake Quests

Oh, I’m sure you know what I mean. You’ve just gone deep into some mine or other, had the shit kicked out of you, got back, handed the quest in and… guess what… there’s  a boss to kill in the mine. Never mind that you’ve just killed him. And so, “Here I Go Again”… (hence the title)

Quitters

Those people who spend months convincing you to upgrade your PC and start playing. And within three weeks they’ve fucked off and either found another game, retired from the whole MMORPG thing, or can’t afford to play anymore.

Me

As a six and a half foot tall tattooed balding nutjob with arms like pipe-cleaners, I really have to hate myself for continuing to play the game.

The Sun, amongst others, have reported that Doctor Who star Karen Gillan was recently found drunk, naked, and whimpering in the corridor of a New York hotel. See this article for details: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/3663222/Karen-Gillan-found-naked-and-mumbling.html?OTC-RSS&ATTR=TV

A couple of points on this…

Firstly, is it really newsworthy? Someone in their twenties goes on holiday, gets drunk, and makes a total arse of themselves. If that is news, I would have spent a lot of the 90s in the newspapers (instead of the mere 5 appearances – none of which involved nudity). Okay, so this person ended up butt naked in a hotel corridor. I was 33 before that first happened to me. It still isn’t news.

Secondly, is the story even true? Is there one piece of admissible evidence that this event ever occurred with Miss Gillan involved? Could it have been another skinny ginger? Only the release of photo/video evidence will tell.

Personally, I doubt every aspect of this story, with good reason.

I know a lot of Scots, and a lot of Gingers. A lot of my friends and family are either Scottish, Ginger, or both.

While the idea of a Ginger Scot drunk and naked in a hotel corridor is not entirely outside the realms of possibility, one crucial point is: they were whimpering.

In my experience, neither a Ginger, nor a Scot, would ever be in that state of mind.

Due to the high levels of rage which both Gingers and Scots possess, the only state of mind for a drunken Caledonian Redhead to be in, would be Pure Incandescant Rage. A state which they stay in until soberness approaches, or a coma occurs (at which point whimpering is impossible).

If said person was kicking seven bells of shit out of a fire extinguisher for it being “redder than her”, or repeatedly punching a mirror because the reflection was looking at them in a funny way, then I’d accept the possibility that a skinny, drunken, Ginger, Scottish wench was there.

Without that possibility, I don’t think the story can be true.

 

Oh, here we go again. My favourite newspaper is off on one again. At the expense of the Germans, again.

See here: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/3651181/Study-reveals-fifth-of-UK-have-German-blood.html

And, as usual they can’t get their facts right.

Note, as you read the web page, the title text (thats the bit on your browser’s top bar): “Study reveals fifth of UK have German blood”.

Now read the second paragraph of the article: “Geneticists claim HALF of Brits could have German blood in them”.

So… one fifth DO, but a half COULD?

And then: “Supported by archaeological studies on teeth and enamel, experts have concluded that 50 per cent of Brits have some German in their genetic make-up.”

Oh for fucks sake, make your mind up. Is it 50% could be, 50% are, or 20% are? These are the sort of things that the average retard in the street needs to know. (For example, the sort of retard that attends an English Defence League rally in Cardiff).

Anyway, The Sun follows this up with a “Quiz”, which is borderline racist.

For example:

When you see a sun lounger by a hotel pool do you…

• A. Have a lie down and order a nice cold lager.
• B. Leave it for now… it’s far too early to think about sunbathing.
• C. Put a towel on it. Immediately.

Ignoring the lack of correct punctuation, they might as well have asked:

Are you Welsh? You see a sheep in a field, do you?

• A. Think nothing of it. Sheep live in fields
• B. Consider having lamp chops for tea
• C. Shag it senseless.

Here is a simple way to test if you have German blood:

Do you have blonde hair?

• Yes: Almost certainly you are partly of Anglo-Saxon descent, therefore you are a bit German.
• No: Don’t kid yourself. Unless your family have repeatedly interbred for the last millennium and a half, then the chances are that you have at least some Germanic DNA.

As I’m now struggling to find an end to this, I’ll just do what The Sun did and compare good and bad things about Germany and Germans (from my personal perspective):

• Bad: Frankfurt Airport (Arrivals),  iTT (specifically the bloke who sacked me from Teleride), Mk 1 VW Golfs with oil leaks, 1984 BMW 3 Series that break down the day after you buy them.
• Good: The utterly indestructible Mk3 VW Golf, the two half-Germans that I work with, Frankfurt Airport (Departures), Ford Sierra with the Cologne V6 engine, its a great language to pretend to know if you want to shout incomprehensively at someone.