Tony Blews

So, what do you get for your 50 quid?

Apart from the device itself, the DVD style box contains a SIM card, a manual that I didn't bother even opening, two USB cables and some padding that I didn't bother to eat.

No installation CD? Nope. The clever little chappy installs all it needs from an built in memory stick type thingummy which pretend to be a CDROM. Take a not, USB device makers: This is the way forward.

One of the USB cables is a standard 6 inch one, which works ok but means that the modem is hanging about where I usually have my mouse (never having got used to the crappy touchpads that most laptops have). The other is a much longer affair with two Type A connectors at one end, just in case your computer can't push enough power out from one socket. This is fairly useless to me, as the added cable length means the device needs the two plugs to be connected, and the two USB sockets on my Dell are on opposite sides of the case. It works great if I have my "media slice" connected, as that gives me 2 extra USB sockets on the back, but it also triples the weight of the machine, so I usually leave it to gather dust.

I'm using the long cable to connect to my telephone instead.

What you probably can't tell from the photo, is that the sim card holder is held in place with sellotape. It won't fall out during normal use, but did pop out a few times while in my bag. Hence the classic British engineering fix.

So, how fast is it?

Firstly, here is what I got through my phone on a good day:

And here is what the new dongle gives me:

A bit faster, as you can see. I managed to get up to about 2900kbps by standing outside the house and getting a clear line of sight to the nearest transmitter, which is about 300 yards away.

With this "proper" internet modem connected, rather than the mobile phone, Three aren't restricting what I can access. So now I can waste my time on b3ta, and won't get an electronic telling off if I accidentally try and watch some young flibbertigibbet shaking her udders on YouTube.

So what does it cost to run?

Well, you have a choice: £10 for 1gb, £15 for 3gb or £25 for 7gb.

A nice range of prices for you there. Being a bit skint, I opted to only spash out a tenner, and my 1gb lasted a week.

Luckily, you can stick on as many addons as you have the money for, and don't need to wait until with end of the month. Next time, however, I will be getting the £25 top up (assuming that I get hold of some money).

I'm quite happy with it, currently. When I get the chance, I'm going to have a wander in to the countryside, and see how well the modem (and indeed the AMOI phone) function when quite far from a transmitter.

Update: Thanks to 3 Mobile Buzz for linking to this page!

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Today, while searching for pictures of Tony Gubba (for an animation which will appear soon), I stumbled upon a list of ethnic slurs on wikipedia. It truly is fascinating stuff.

Did you know that the Austrailians referred to the Viet Cong as "Nigel", rather than "Charlie"? (I was a PFC on a search patrol, hunting Nigel down. It was in the jungle wars of '65.)

"Eskimo" is offensive?

"Honky" was derived from an African-American pronunciation of "hunky", the disparaging term for a Hungarian laborer?

And finally, that "Gubba" is an Aboriginal pejorative term for white people? (not just the sandy haired clowns).

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Skype:

MSN:

PC Connectivity:

MoDem:

Running costs:

So whats wrong with it?

Verdict?

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Not many days ago, I recieved a package containing a copy of my very own rubbish quality book "How many Goths does it take to change a light bulb?"

Now, once again, "I have in my hand a piece of paper". And, I'm in the toilet (as that, oddly is where the best lighting in the house is), and i've used my cameraphone to take the picture. _{Feckin' quality linking that was. Unless anyone noticed the tense-change...}

So here is physical proof of the book...

 

Hmm. Something is missing, but I can't think what... Oh yeah, the FRIGGING TITLE! Still, at least my name is on it. Anyway, let us look inside.

.

Actually, i'm quite happy about the whole thing, apart from the cover. Honestly, I spent minutes thinking of that title and might as well have used "Coppulam Eam Est Se Non Posit Acceptera Jocularum". There are a few printing errors that didn't appear in the original version (such as the footer line breakage that i'm pointing to up there), but I'm still happy with it. And I'll be even happier if you click here are buy a copy to feed my nicotine, alcohol and curry habits.

Also, I can now say I am a published author and you are not. And that, in a very small way, makes me better than you.

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And, as the great Brian Blessed once advised us, "Lead on my brave Hawkmen!"

Over the past few weeks, a number of my associates (they cannot be called friends anymore, as I refuse to be friends with idiots) have become high-and-mighty about changing their electricity supplier to one which, and I quote, "only provides electricity from green and renewable sources". How very noble and fluffy. Tossers.

Have these people had a team of workers outside their houses putting new power lines in? No. Do they realise that they are getting their Watts from the same coal burning/nuclear/hydroelectric mishmash that I am? No. Does one of them think that a special device in the local substation is filtering power so that he only gets the "environment friendly green power" (his quote)? Yes.

Now I'm sorry about this, but it matters not a jot who you think you are paying for the juice to light your bulb. It is all coming from the same grid. Your electricity, just like everyone elses, is generated by either burning fossil fuels, disrupting wave patterns, exploiting Algerian peasants, annoying yokels, the beauty of wind-turbines, or smashing atoms together. (only one of those was false).

You, my candidate for Idiot of the Month, are paying more to power your toaster, merely because your brain is feeble.

Ah, you say, by my energy supplier is planting trees to offset my carbon footprint.

Ah, but I say, give me one shred of proof. A lot of companies say they are planting trees to offset carbon emissions, but i've yet to see any actual evidence. Most companies can't be arsed to answer the phone within ten minutes, never mind plant a tree.

Um. maybe thats it. "All our operators are busy planting trees. Your call is important to us, but not as important as the threat to the planet. You may be sitting in the dark, but Dave is out planting a tree".

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Oh look, another social networking site. But, it seems, one with a difference.

This one is called "i'm like in with you", and makes as much sense to me as Quantum Mechanics would to an earwig. Sure its got lots of pretty colours and makes nice noises, but so do those things you attach to prams to keep children amused, and I grew out of those when I was about 32. Still, its not as bad as MySpace.

Anyway, if you can work this bloody thing out, please hesistate to tell me about it. And, as usual, if you want to sent me information about your latest medication offer, the address is hello@floppycock.org.

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Apparently one of Britain's most loved pubs is set to close. People are up in arms about this.

Sadly, the public house in question is a fictional one. From a soap. From a crap soap set in a ficticious part of an alleged Manchester.

"Oh," but these people moan, "you can't get rid of the Rovers!"

"Oh," I hope, "you fecking well do!"

I'm sorry, but the sort of sad bastards that campaign to save a fictional pub are the sort of people that should be excluded from our elections. Actually, I'd go so far as to say they should be excluded from the right to breathe.

If these couch-bound halfwits actually turned off their television sets and went out for a drink, maybe they'd realise that the pub trade is dying. And it's all their fault. Pubs are empty because of people sitting at home watching illusionary lives in illusionary pubs. Get out and live the life! Get a life!

You stopped us from smoking in the pub, so now come and drink in the smoke-free atmosphere. Alone, because we are all outside. In the smoking area which you have no right to be in, so just stay out. Ok?

Anyway, there are more important things in life to worry about than the demise of a fictional Manchester pub which somehow defies the laws of space and time (the toilets would actually be in next door's kitchen).

So I hope your Rovers Return becomes a Mexican restuarant, or a Chinese, or flats. It has happened to my local in the past, and I hope it happens to "yours".

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Why the hell would I want to join a group called "Make Brian Get His Hair Cut"? Maybe I should start a group called "Balding Longhaired Ukulele Playing Ex-Goths With Shite Cameras". No doubt I'd get 732 members within a week.

Ok, so I would like to be a pirate, because I look good in a pirate shirt. But i'm always going to be more Barbossa than Sparrow, so I'll decline that invitation too. Actually, i'm not even cool enough to be Barbossa. I'm not even the fat idiot who hangs about with the bloke from The Office. I'm not even as cool as the monkey.

I'm bored with your likeness quizzes, fed up with that world travelling bear, utterly tits-off with whatever you've written on my wall today, and not only cheesed off, but utterly fondued off with the whole bloody thing.

I'm about 3 microns (because saying "this far" won't work in a typed rant) away from deleting my facebook account. If you want to contact me, use email. Or the phone. Don't frig about using a crappy social networking site that annoys the teeth out of me so much that I will never need to see a dentist ever again.

Oh, by the way... Buy my book... but don't complain if its crap.

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So, what does it do?

Well. It does all your normal phone crap, plus it allegedly automatically uses Skype when you want it to. I say allegedly as I can't even get mine to log in using my Skype details. And 3's usually unhelpful customer support have no idea what to do.(But at least they can't beat the O2 monkey who asked me, twenty minutes into our conversation about why my GPRS had been cancelled, if I owned a mobile phone. No, Sherlock, I can process GSM signals in my head.)

Anyway, thats not important. What can it do?

For me the big win is that you can use it as a modem and get 'net access. True, its only about 116Kbps, but that better than I was getting from O2. The downside to this is that the software supplied completely screws up all your existing modem drivers. Not a big loss for most people, but bloody annoying nonetheless.

Sadly the internet service is somewhat restricted. Mail and Web services seem okay (with exceptions), but thats it. FTP is blocked, as are MSN Messenger (probably a good thing) and no gaming stuff will work.

For some reason, POP access to my gmail account won't work, but I can still access the gmail website. Odd.

Access to sites like B3ta are blocked, but thats probably a good thing for me.

A big problem is Facebook. I was never a big fan of it (see elsewhere) until I got the phone. Now I'm on it all the time, mainly because you can access straight from the phone. This is my biggest U-turn since I suddenly decided that VW campers were indeed a bit cool.

The FTP thing is annoying, as I have to update these pages via FTP. I means that I have to go to the pub and use the WIFI machine. Like I needed an excuse.

So... ultimate verdict, is it any good?

Yup. Best phone i've had in ages.

Update: Yay! FTP / IM / Flickr uploader.... it all works now!

Another update: How am I getting on with it? Amoi WP-S1 3/Skype Phone - 5 months later 

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Holy shuddering crap, whats this? The Blews has finally finished the often talked about book!

Yes the amazing "How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb?", 40 pages of rib-tickling gothy mirth, is available now from lulu.com.

Just click on the cover image below, and part with your money. Its only £3.99 (plus P+P), and the 76p I make from each copy is all that stands between me and an empty glass. Buy 3 copies and I can afford a full pint!

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A very long time ago, I ran a site at www.villains.co.uk. Now, I've dusted it off, uploaded it once more, and parked it at www.villains.co.nr.

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