Tony Blews

Reason 29

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 21:33:46 +0100

I'm very, very sorry.

How do you measure your sanity?

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:52:43 +0100

"He checks his sanity with a wristwatch?"

"Sure, what do you use? A dipstick?"

What am I on about?

How about the best 80s cop/action movie featuring a lead character called Murphy, that wasn't Robocop, and the best Roy Scheider film that didn't end with an exploding shark?

Clearly there is only one thing I could be on about...

Blue Thunder

The classic 1983 film about a combat helicopter adapted for law enforcement, starring the aforementioned shark killer, Malcolm "ultra-violence" McDowell and Daniel "easily defeated by a child" Stern.

Blue Thunder and its spin-off TV series pre-dated the other helicopter show Airwolf, which was, frankly, rubbish.

The movie itself was one of the films that I used to get from the video shop all the time as a kid, mainly because they had a crap selection of films. Its so rare for it to be shown on TV, that I had to post about it. Thanks Five US!

If you don't remember it... watch the trailer...

Spoof 2001 / Hello Advert

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 12:41:59 +0100

A while ago, as a result of a drunken conversation about how all advertising was rubbish and even a monkey could come up with workable ideas, I made this thing. Then lost it.

Now I've found it again.

Did Hello magazine ever use such an obvious idea? Or Heat? I don't know. But if they do, I want a cheque.

Big Brother Is Still Rubbish

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 02:22:03 +0100

I see Jon is blithering on about Big Brother again, so its time for a blast fro the past...

Back in the dark days of 2004, I wrote this letter to Nuts magazine. I won a phone for my trouble.

It says:

“DEAR NUTS,

One way to make Big Brother more interesting would be to shutter the housemates in, thereby depriving them daylight, then to enforce random artificial day-and-night cycles on them. Within three days, you’d have a house full of paranoid, gibbering, psychotic wrecks, all itching to get theit hands on any nearby weaponry and run amok in an orgy of bloodletting. Well, it worked for the KGB, if you believe Tom Clancy

Tony Blews, Stafford”

(Page 96, Nuts 23-29 July, 2004)

This was the original letter:

“Dear Nuts,

The only way to make Big Brother more interesting would be to shutter the housemates in, thereby depriving them of daylight. Then, after hiding a variety of both blunt and bladed weapons in the house, enforce random artificial day-and-night cycles on them while lacing their food with caffine and hallucinogenics. Within three days, you’d have a house full of paranoid, gibbering, psychotic wrecks, all itching to get theit hands on any nearby weaponry and thence run amok in an orgy of bloodletting. Which would be nice.

Tony Blews, Stafford”

I still prefer my version, but thanks for the phone. Can I have a new one now? I'm sending you this letter again...

Best advert of the year (so far)

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 02:06:08 +0100

What happens when you use the best driving song of all time (as selected by Top Gear, and independently verified by me) to advertise the best chocolate made (as decided by me)?

This..... enjoy.

Brilliant!

I am a Twit, The Sontarans are sh!t

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 02:06:36 +0100

Ok Jon, I've started using twitter now. Are you happy?

I hope you are. Currently I'm so unhappy and angry that I may need to go out and kick a tramp.

What could possibly bring on this foul mood? Why its the latest concept to by urinated on by our old favourite Russell T. Davies, the Sontarans.

Lets have a quick look at them from back in the days when they weren't shite and didn't do silly dance...

The Rovers Return

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 22:14:20 +0000

Apparently one of Britain's most loved pubs is set to close. People are up in arms about this.

Sadly, the public house in question is a fictional one. From a soap. From a crap soap set in a ficticious part of an alleged Manchester.

"Oh," but these people moan, "you can't get rid of the Rovers!"

"Oh," I hope, "you fecking well do!"

I'm sorry, but the sort of sad bastards that campaign to save a fictional pub are the sort of people that should be excluded from our elections. Actually, I'd go so far as to say they should be excluded from the right to breathe.

If these couch-bound halfwits actually turned off their television sets and went out for a drink, maybe they'd realise that the pub trade is dying. And it's all their fault. Pubs are empty because of people sitting at home watching illusionary lives in illusionary pubs. Get out and live the life! Get a life!

You stopped us from smoking in the pub, so now come and drink in the smoke-free atmosphere. Alone, because we are all outside. In the smoking area which you have no right to be in, so just stay out. Ok?

Anyway, there are more important things in life to worry about than the demise of a fictional Manchester pub which somehow defies the laws of space and time (the toilets would actually be in next door's kitchen).

So I hope your Rovers Return becomes a Mexican restuarant, or a Chinese, or flats. It has happened to my local in the past, and I hope it happens to "yours".

Heroes

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 23:52:20 +0100

Well, i've just spent a day watching the TV series Heroes. And when I say "a day", I mean "a day". As in nearly 24 hours. In one sitting. All 23 episodes.

I couldn't stop watching it.

It has been a long time since a TV series has captivated me so. I'm now very tired, as you would expect.

"Wow!" is all I can now say/type.