I'm very, very sorry.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
How do you measure your sanity?
"He checks his sanity with a wristwatch?"
"Sure, what do you use? A dipstick?"
What am I on about?
How about the best 80s cop/action movie featuring a lead character called Murphy, that wasn't Robocop, and the best Roy Scheider film that didn't end with an exploding shark?
Clearly there is only one thing I could be on about...
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Spoof 2001 / Hello Advert
A while ago, as a result of a drunken conversation about how all advertising was rubbish and even a monkey could come up with workable ideas, I made this thing. Then lost it.
Now I've found it again.
Did Hello magazine ever use such an obvious idea? Or Heat? I don't know. But if they do, I want a cheque.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Big Brother Is Still Rubbish
I see Jon is blithering on about Big Brother again, so its time for a blast fro the past...
Back in the dark days of 2004, I wrote this letter to Nuts magazine. I won a phone for my trouble.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Best advert of the year (so far)
What happens when you use the best driving song of all time (as selected by Top Gear, and independently verified by me) to advertise the best chocolate made (as decided by me)?
This..... enjoy.
Brilliant!
Monday, April 28, 2008
I am a Twit, The Sontarans are sh!t
Ok Jon, I've started using twitter now. Are you happy?
I hope you are. Currently I'm so unhappy and angry that I may need to go out and kick a tramp.
What could possibly bring on this foul mood? Why its the latest concept to by urinated on by our old favourite Russell T. Davies, the Sontarans.
Lets have a quick look at them from back in the days when they weren't shite and didn't do silly dance...
Sunday, January 06, 2008
The Rovers Return
Apparently one of Britain's most loved pubs is set to close. People are up in arms about this.
Sadly, the public house in question is a fictional one. From a soap. From a crap soap set in a ficticious part of an alleged Manchester.
"Oh," but these people moan, "you can't get rid of the Rovers!"
"Oh," I hope, "you fecking well do!"
I'm sorry, but the sort of sad bastards that campaign to save a fictional pub are the sort of people that should be excluded from our elections. Actually, I'd go so far as to say they should be excluded from the right to breathe.
If these couch-bound halfwits actually turned off their television sets and went out for a drink, maybe they'd realise that the pub trade is dying. And it's all their fault. Pubs are empty because of people sitting at home watching illusionary lives in illusionary pubs. Get out and live the life! Get a life!
You stopped us from smoking in the pub, so now come and drink in the smoke-free atmosphere. Alone, because we are all outside. In the smoking area which you have no right to be in, so just stay out. Ok?
Anyway, there are more important things in life to worry about than the demise of a fictional Manchester pub which somehow defies the laws of space and time (the toilets would actually be in next door's kitchen).
So I hope your Rovers Return becomes a Mexican restuarant, or a Chinese, or flats. It has happened to my local in the past, and I hope it happens to "yours".
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Heroes
Well, i've just spent a day watching the TV series Heroes. And when I say "a day", I mean "a day". As in nearly 24 hours. In one sitting. All 23 episodes.
I couldn't stop watching it.
It has been a long time since a TV series has captivated me so. I'm now very tired, as you would expect.
"Wow!" is all I can now say/type.