Tony Blews

Firstly we have the Gandalf on Abbey Road / You Shall Not Pass shirt.

 

Click here to order one. I promise you won't look as fat as me*
(*This is not a promise)

And secondly, we have the Keep On Staring (it makes you look like a) Moron shirt.

 

Order one here. You probably won't look like a Gumby.

If enough people as stupid nice enough to buy shirts like these, I could afford a decent camera. And possibly my rent.

Go on, you know it makes nonesense!

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Hurrah! One of my T Shirts arrived today. The "Thinking Ban" one:

 

Great, eh?

I got it from Vistaprint on a rush order (I was a bit drunk) but if you want one, then I'm afraid you'll have to go through Cafepress.

Vistaprint are good, fast, and cheap. Plus they seem to have a special offer every day. If you're lucky, you can get a hell of a lot of stuff for free and just pay the postage. Thats what I did.

I'm sorry about the picture of the fat, grumpy looking bloke modelling the shirt, but that is me.

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For some reason, 1337 got scrawled on the side of my Cafepress shipment. A shipment in a 7x7x7 inch box. That, by the way, is 343 cubic inches. In real terms, its the engine displacement size of a small American car, about sixteen Fiestas or an eighth of a fishing vessel's massive engine plant.

Seven by seven by seven. I don't actually recall ordering anything that big.

So, what was in the box?

Well, to start with, a shed load of bubble wrap. Honestly, freg-loads of it. I ate most of it.

And then, at the heart...

One ceramic tile and two small badges (one not pictured, obviously).

What? They posted me that in 7x7x7 box? Jesus H. Christ on a Moped.Two slats of card and a Jiffy would have done!

Think of the environment! (Bubble wrap can function as an insulation medium, unless you let me run up and down on a wheelie chair popping it all).

Anyhow, enough of the complaining about the shipping box, let me tell you about the products...

Well. I can't find a single fault with the badges or tile that I ordered. Both were printed perfectly. I'm really impressed. I'm so impressed that i'm going to use cafepress to supply a large order of badges for a project i'm working on. I hope to see their shirt printing results soon (which, I am told will not take up an entire container).

I am impressed. So impessed that I urge you to click this button:

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Not many days ago, I recieved a package containing a copy of my very own rubbish quality book "How many Goths does it take to change a light bulb?"

Now, once again, "I have in my hand a piece of paper". And, I'm in the toilet (as that, oddly is where the best lighting in the house is), and i've used my cameraphone to take the picture. _{Feckin' quality linking that was. Unless anyone noticed the tense-change...}

So here is physical proof of the book...

 

Hmm. Something is missing, but I can't think what... Oh yeah, the FRIGGING TITLE! Still, at least my name is on it. Anyway, let us look inside.

.

Actually, i'm quite happy about the whole thing, apart from the cover. Honestly, I spent minutes thinking of that title and might as well have used "Coppulam Eam Est Se Non Posit Acceptera Jocularum". There are a few printing errors that didn't appear in the original version (such as the footer line breakage that i'm pointing to up there), but I'm still happy with it. And I'll be even happier if you click here are buy a copy to feed my nicotine, alcohol and curry habits.

Also, I can now say I am a published author and you are not. And that, in a very small way, makes me better than you.

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Do people stare at you in the street? Has someone nearly crashed their car because they were gawping at you standing outside your workplace or pub having a cigarette, when they should have been looking at the car in front? Is it getting on your fecking nerves and making you feel a teeny bit paranoid?

You, my friend, need to spend your cash on one of these lovely t-shirts.

 

Or you could buy a badge, which is cheaper but doesn't give my bank account the same sort of rosy glow. Either way, click on the t-shirt image or this handy link (www.cafepress.com/tonyblews2) and get your mitts of THE fashion accessory of 2008!

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Holy shuddering crap, whats this? The Blews has finally finished the often talked about book!

Yes the amazing "How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb?", 40 pages of rib-tickling gothy mirth, is available now from lulu.com.

Just click on the cover image below, and part with your money. Its only £3.99 (plus P+P), and the 76p I make from each copy is all that stands between me and an empty glass. Buy 3 copies and I can afford a full pint!

 

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Click on the T shirt image to be take to a site where you can buy one.

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Telephone Numbers

Our phone numbers are UK based (i.e. have UK area codes), however they have the ability to forward any calls to international landlines and cellphone numbers. This means all your customers, business contacts, friends and family can contact you anywhere in the world by dialling a UK number, and saving themselves money on the call at the same time.

Features

We can provide you with:

• A UK phone number which forwards calls to any number
• Personalised Voicemail - voice messages sent direct to your email
• Total online control of your number - change your settings whenever you wish
• "Follow-me" hunt feature - forward calls to wherever you are
• Real-time Call Log and Message Index - always know who called and when

How does it work?

1. Someone calls your UK Number
2. The call is forwarded to your phone and you answer, or
3. If you are not available, a message is taken and forwarded to your email.

Number diverts can be changed easily as often as you like. Changes are made via a Personal Clubhouse created for you when you sign up. Here you will be able to:

• Enter the phone number to forward calls to
• Enter the email address you want messages sent to
• Choose your preferred message settings, such as file formats for voice messages (eg MP3, WAV or RA)
• View your real-time Call Log and Message Index to see you called you and when.

Which Numbers?

We can provide numbers in many UK area codes, and soon some International codes too. The number which is right for you or your business depends on your needs and budget.

Our free standard 070059 World Mobile number is completely FREE. That means NO signup, NO rental, and Free Call Forwarding. The number is a Cellphone like area code, and the caller saves over 50 % on international calls.

For a more professional image, you can choose from ranges such as 0800, 0845, 0870, 0871 and 0207. These are National UK numbers, and do have various signup and rental fees associated with them. For more information on the numbers we provide, click the appropriate link below:

0800 UK Freephone
0800 Freephone numbers allow even the smaller business to project the perception of a large presence with the UK and have been proven to help increase business. 0800 numbers are widely recognised marketing numbers and are more likely to obtain a response from potential customers.
Number Costs & Information:
• £5.00 per month Rental (paid semi-annually)
• One off signup fee of £19.95
• £2.20 FreeTime calling credit per month
• Costs for forwarding calls will vary, depending on country
• UK Callers pays no call charges

0845 UK Local
0845 Local rate numbers allows you to create a national presence by providing you with a cost effective solution for you marketing needs.
Number Costs & Information:
• £5.00 per month Rental (paid semi-annually)
• One off signup fee of £19.95
• £1.02 FreeTime calling credit per month
• Costs for forwarding calls will vary, depending on country
• UK Callers pay the local rate (4/1.5/1 ppm Day/Night/Weekend incl. VAT)

0870 UK National
A "newer" marketing number which says to your customers 'I am a national player and want your business'. It provides you with an advantage over your competitors, and forwards all calls to UK landlines for free!
Number Costs & Information:
• £5.00 per month Rental (paid semi-annually)
• One off signup fee of £19.95
• Free call forwarding to any UK landline. Forwarding calls to other countries will vary
• Costs for forwarding calls will vary, depending on country
• Callers pay the national rate (7.9/3.95/2 ppm Day/Night/Weekend incl. VAT)

0871 Euro
An"Euro" 0871 number is allegedly one of the most versatile marketing numbers availble. With free call forwarding to UK, US, Canadian and many EU landlines, it allows you to operate a true "Virtual" UK presence.
Number Costs & Information:
• £15.96 Annual Rental (paid semi-annually)
• One off signup fee of £9.58
• Callers pay 10 ppm anytime incl. VAT
• Free forwarding to the following landlines: EU Landlines- Austria, Belgium, Denmark, France, Finland, Germany, Grece, Italy, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, UK & US Landlines, Canadian Landlines. Woo!
• Costs for forwarding calls will vary, depending on country
• Callers pay the national rate (7.9/3.95/2 ppm Day/Night/Weekend incl. VAT)
• Forwarding calls to other nations will vary .

0207 - UK City of London
A prestigous Central London contact number allows you to operate a satellite office from anywhere in the UK.
Number Costs & Information:
• £5.00 per month Rental (paid semi-annually)
• One off signup fee of £19.95
• £1.85 FreeTime calling credit per month
• Forwarding call costs will vary, depending on destination
• Costs for forwarding calls will vary, depending on country
• Callers charges differ according to their location

07005 9 - World Mobile - This is the FREE one
A truly free portable number that you can keep for life. I use a lot of them for various things, such as a Fax number (which delivers to my email account), a Voice mail (which does the same), my "permanant number" ('cos i break mobile 'phones a lot). [Tony wrote this bit].

Any questions?

We're more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Email them to questions@tonyblews.co.uk, or click on the button below, but remember to be as specific as possible when describing any problem that you have:

Signing up...

The links below will take you to our partner site to register. Please read everything carefully, as you would with any transaction. We've dealt with dmclub for seven years, and never had any problems, so you shouldn't.

• Click the link below according to the type of Voice number you would like.
• Choose a number from those listed by clicking it, or enter any specific search criteria you may have. eg. 1234 (i.e. 0800 080 1234) or FREE (i.e. 0870 700 FREE)
• Confirm your choice on the next screen.
• If you want a Fax number, choose one on the next screen. If not, uncheck the Fax box and click "Next"
• Complete the Personal Details sections that follow.
• Once you have completed the signup process, if you've selected a number that isn't free, you will be asked to select a payment method. For more information on Payment, see the Payment Guide.

  Sign up for:

  PAY 0800

  PAY 0845

  PAY 0870

  PAY 0871

  PAY 0207

  FREE 070059

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