Tony Blews

Can I have a new spine please?

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 01:49:07 +0100

For this post I was planning to bang on about other "classic" films from the video stores of our youth, following the Blue Thunder post.

Sadly, I managed to injure myself and have become somewhat self-absorbed in my agony.

However, after finally getting up to A+E I can reveal these vital pieces of information:

Sneezing can result in displaced vertebrae.
Walking with the aforementioned displaced vertabrae is really painful, and at times impossble.
Crutches are not as much help as you would imagine if you suddenly have a spasm and fall over.
Arriva have at least one arsehole for a driver.
Arriva have at least one really lovely driver.
Co-Codamol is a good painkiller.
So is alcohol.
But the two don't mix too well.

So there you are.

Also, having a dump hurts like hell, and arse-wiping is difficult if you can't twist your back or bend over.

Shock Photo of Tony With a Bird on His Arm

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 01:05:20 +0100

These days it is very rare to find me with a bird on my arm. Mainly because i'm fat, old, grey haired and ugly.

This is about the best bird I can get to come anywhere near me.

More birthday musings

Tue, 20 May 2008 18:32:27 +0100

Cor blimey, would you believe it?

I got a message today from myspace telling me I share a birthday with this man:

Crikey, he even looks like me! (Obviously he has more hair, and it hasn't fallen out as much as mine has).

Who is this chap? Well, its none other than Peter Mayhew, or as you may know him better, Chewbacca.

Hurrah and Huzzar! I share a birthday with a man who has proved that having no sense of style, crap hair (which does NOT make me look gay, despite what Jon thinks) and rubbish glasses need not be barriers to being successful. Provided, that is, you are 7'3" tall, and are willing to dress up as a ginger yeti.

Beat that one, Crackerwax!

Thirty Seven and Counting... Part 2

Mon, 19 May 2008 23:49:01 +0100

I've had quite a nice birthday. Loads of people bought me drinks.

It has only been marred by a wanker in a silver Jaguar XK who decided to sit through a green light, then belt across a crossing on red causing me to go flying and drop my curry.

But thats not important, and this is!

Jon over at Crackerwax has written me a happy birthday song. And here it is:

Thanks Jon, I think.

Thirty Seven and Counting...

Mon, 19 May 2008 02:22:11 +0100

Hurrah, apparently, for today I am 37 years of age, if you believe my driving license (so good i've been given six points!), passport (expired and unlikely to get re-newed), bank records and all that cock. However, that little bit of plastic that they tag new-borns with claims I was born on the 18th.

Hence I'm allowing myself two birthdays. Last night was the "don't tell anyone, just get nicely drunk with my close mates" birthday.

Today will be just like yesterday, but with more people buying me drinks and me getting more arsey (I'm generally on an arsey-ness level of 4/10. Thats like DEFCON 3 but without nukes, or in the parlance something like "CLENCHED FIST").

Anyway...

My lovely (if somewhat distanced - I live in the Midlands, they live in the North West) family sent me some nice cards.

Aw. Just like the envelope on the card I sent her.

"Mum said your hair looked like this" - Thanks Cath, really. I had ringlets for 3 days, which you never saw. I was trying to forget the time I looked like (The Lord Our God) Brian May.

Cards, Yay!

I photographed these against my home-made green-screen, and I've just noticed that my camera is set up wrong.

Sadly i'm too drunk to do it all again.

Notice to Catherine: Your "To my Brother" card claims that I have it all: This is patently rubbish.

Style: Um, no. Ancient T-shirts, grey denims and George shirts are not stylish. Even Clarkson is more stylish than me.
Good Looks: Ok, so I appreciate that you have the same genetic roots as myself and thus can't say that i'm ugly without tarring yourself as a swamp-donkey or sea-monster, but really, be honest.
Charm: Hmm. I think its obvious that I'm as charming as a scorpion pit. Or Stoke.
Wit: Yes, I am witty. And sarcastic. And abrasive. I don't mean to sound cruel, heartless and nasty, but I am, so that's just how it comes out.
Coolness: ~~No I am not cool. Nearly all my clothes are black, an my haircut is approaching that of Terry Nutkin's. I cannot be cool.~~ I do, however, wear a 50s style bike jacket and get called by a called by a contraction of my surname (Blue), just like The Fonz. And Arthur Fonzerelli was cool, so I must be too! Actually, the only things that would make me more cool would be a narrowboat and a Land Rover (sublte hints).

I do not have it all, but in the words of Mercury, May, Deacon and Meddows-Taylor, "I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, And I want it now!"

Finally, I'd like to say "Hello, I'm still alive!" to Doctor Patel, who in 1995 (when I was 24) quoted "Torch Song" by Marillion in telling me that if I maintained my lifestyle, I wouldn't reach 30. In your face! (I'll probably have a heart attack tomorrow).

I am giant.

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 00:25:19 +0000

I just have to post this photograph of myself and Little Jeni. It makes me chuckle.

Sorry Jeni.

About me

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 02:22:29 +0100

Basic Information

Name: Anthony John Blews
Birthdate: 19th May 197cough cough splutter something
Mother's Maiden Name - for the purposes of Identity Fraud: Wythington-Smythe
Hair: Black, tending to grey, but mostly missing at the front.
Eyes: two blue/grey ones, depending on my mood
Height: Approximately 6'5" [under review, as I heighted in at 6'7" last time I was at the Doc's]
Weight: Approximately 16 stone. [as above, but 13 stone!]
Occupation: Taxi Driver, but previously: Programmer, Technician, Forecourt Attendant, Charity Worker, Shop Assistant, Beer Tester.
Location: Stafford, Staffordshire. (Previously Preston, Lancashire)

There will be a copy of my CV here soon, but its still being messed with.

That is an unusual surname, please tell me about it!

The world would be a lesser place without the tremendous fighting spirit of the Scottish Highland clans.

From the desolate, sea-swept Hebridean Islands and the croft scattered western coast, this surname has emerged as belonging to one of the great families whose tradition is romanticized by the skirl of the bagpipes, the brandished sword, the colourful kilt and the highland games.

Historical researchers, using some of the oldest manuscripts, including Clan genealogies, the Exchequer of Rolls of Scotland, the Ragman Rolls, the Inquisitio, the Black Book of the Exchequer, parish cartularies, baptismal records, tax records and many other manuscripts, found the name Blews in Argyllshire on the Isle of Arran, where they had been seated from ancient times, and the name can frequently be found on tombstones in and around Knapdale, on the Isle of Arran.

Spelling variations of the name Blews caused much confusion in research. These changes occured for a variety of reasons. From time to time the surname was spelt Blue, Blew, Blewe, Blue, Blues, Gorm Gilligorm, and these changes to spelling occured, sometimes even between father and son. It was not uncommon for a clansman to be born with one spelling, marry with another, and yet another appear on his headstone. Sometimes a different spelling indicated a religious or clan loyalty to a branch or chieftan.

The Dalriadan race of the Hebrides was anciently descended from the early Irish Kings, specifically King Colla da Crioch, who was banished from Ireland in 327 AD., along with350 clan chiefs. Even now, there are Scottish Highland clanswho still call themselves the "Children of Colla". Dalriadan King Fergus Mor MacEarca defeated the Picts, their neighbours to the east, in 498 AD. Kenneth MacAlpine, first King of Scotland, or Alba, or Caledonia, as it was known, was half Dalriadan half Pict.

The Highland clans were a different breed. In early history, many battles were foughtwith the Scottish King in Edinburgh. Bonnie Prince Charlie finally rallied their support for his claim to the throne which culminated at Culloden in 1745.

The surname Blews emerged as a Scottish Clan or family in their territory of Arran in Argyllshire, where there is undoubtedly a strong connection with the MacMillans. Malcolm Mor MacMillan was granted Knapdale by the Lord of the Isles in 1360, and his charter is inscribed on a rock at Knap Point. The Blues are a translation of a branch of the MacMillans called the MacGhilleghuim, meaning "sone of the blue lad", a name rarely used but Anglicized as Blue. The original Gillegorm was a hero of the MacClellans, ancestors of the Logans. A small cave adjoining the Preaching Cove at Kilpatrick Arran, is named "Uamh Nic-Ille-Ghium". In 1500 the Clan under the abbreviated name Gorm was still extant in Argyll on the Isle of Arran. The Blues later branched Colonsaym Gigha and Campbelltown. Notable amongst the Clan from early times was Gillegorm (servant of Blue) of Arran.

For the next two or three centuries the surname Blews played an important role in the highlands and in the affairs of Scotland. However, typical of the ancient conflict between highlander and Edinburgh, many ancient highland clans have still not been recognized as clans by the Lord Lyon of Scotland.

Many clansmen of Highland families migrated from Scotland to Ireland during the 17th and 18th centuries. They were granted the lands of the native Catholic Church. There is no record of this distinguished family migrating to Ireland, but this does not preclude the possiblilty of individual migration.

However, to many, life in Ireland became a disillusionment. Conditions were little better than in their homeland. Poverty prevailed, and the relegious conflicts remained, except that now they were in a strange land and without the support and kinship of the clan. The New World beckoned to the adventurous.

Clansmen sailed aboard the small sailing ships known as the White Sails which plied the stormy Atlantic, ships such as the Hector, the Rambler and the Dove, indenturing themselves for as long as ten years to pay their passage. These ships were originally designed for 100 passengers, but frequently sailed with 400 to 500 people on board. Many ships arrived with only 60 to 70% of their overcrowded passenger list, the rest dying at sea.

In North smerica, the Highlander settled Virginia, the Carolinas, Pictou, Nova Scotia, and the Ottawa Valley. One of the first migrants which could be considered a kinsman of the name Blews, of that same clan or family, was George and Duncan Blew settled in in Philadelphia Pa. in 1856; John Blue settled there in 1862.

Coat of arms: Gold with 3 blue cocks heads.

Crest: Black eagles head with gold beak

sounds like bollocks to me

A man's best friend is his duck

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 01:16:18 +0100

a duck will bring you good luck

adopt your own virtual pet!

Contact Me.

Fri, 19 May 2006 11:00:52 +0100

Contact details

Should you wish to contact me by email¹, you can sent it to tony@tonyblews.co.uk.

You can sent a FAX to 07050699204, or leave a drunken, rambling message on my answering machine at 07005961293. if its really funny i'll bung it on the site! (These numbers come from my Stupid Little Shop - go there and buy stuff!)

"So if you want my address, it's number one at the end of the bar, where I sit with the broken angels, clutching at straws and nursing a scar" -Sugar Mice, Marillion

You can find me on b3ta as coobeastie, and on MySpace as tonyblews.
On the Live For Speed network I drive as "tonyblews". See the nubbin below for my current status...

Notes

1 - Unlike some Vikings, I do not want spam. So kindly shove your head up your arse before trying to sell me: Viagra, Stolen Copies of Photoshop, Penis Enlargement, anything American, Democracy, tips on the stock market, Nigerian fortunes, The Grand Duchy of Luxemboug, Keith Harris and Orville.

For every item of "Spam" or "Unsolicited Comercial Email" that I recieve, I am sworn to kill a kitten. Currently I have a backlog of over 200,000 kittens to get through. Do me a favour, try and hawk your fake medications to this man: Mr. Speed Camera.

In celebration of my Birthday

Wed, 19 May 1971 02:22:27 +0100

This post marks the time that I entered the world.

There is no reason for it to be here.