Tony Blews

Citroën Xsara Picasso

In 1999 somebody at Citroën decided that the Xsara was too much like an Escort, and that they needed an MPV. A Multi-Purpose Vehicle.

Somehow, somewhere in the translation process, they got confused and decided to build a car based on the incomprehensible cartoon series Ludwig.

A Picasso, and Ludwig the Egg.

Not only are they ridiculous looking, but they are dangerous.

Recently, my boss bought four of the things. Of those, two have been destroyed. Not crashed. Destroyed.

One of them went into a puddle at 60mph and was catapulted sideways into the Armco on the A34. The driver walked away, be the damage to the car was so extensive that the last rites were adminstered at the scene.

The other car was T-boned at a junction and pushed into someone's garden, where it scratched a Rover 75. Another write-off, and the driver had to be cut out. These days he walks around with the mad, staring eyes of an axe-murderer. But he looked like that anyway.

He never even saw the other car coming. Why? Because the Picasso has a blind spot you could hide a Faun Goliath in. Right where you need it, nestling behind the A-pillar.

Faun Goliath, not hiding in a blind-spot.